Loving. Trying. Aspiring. | The Thoughts Of A Grieving Friend by Khenyia J. Williams

Story Summary:

Loving. Trying. Aspiring. | The Thoughts Of A Grieving Friend by Khenyia J. Williams

A deeply emotional narrative following a young woman navigating the aftermath of losing her best friend, Amara. This short story explores silent grief, emotional numbness, and the slow, complicated process of healing while learning to continue life without someone who once defined it.

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📘BTB: Behind The Book

The Beginning Of A Collection

Truthfully speaking, stories "Loving. Trying. Aspiring.", "Emerging. Adjusting. Learning.", and "Ready. Aim. Misfire." were all written in the same month. The original purpose was to start a series of short stories starring black main characters and personal growth stories; however, in the end, I decided to let them stand alone on KJ BLOGZ. Maybe in terms of releasing physical copies, they will all be put together (along with the stories I have yet to release that also correspond with the same theme) as a collection.

Why This Story?

Now, let's focus on "Loving. Trying. Aspiring." This book was born from my own experience in losing my best friend, Autumn. However, the story is set on a different timeline, as the characters are already in college and Autumn passed while we were still in high school. Not only is my experience included, but I also coupled various moments of inner dialogue from researching different aspects of grief and testimonials of people I knew. This was done to expand the narrator's grief journey to more than just my experience because grief is different for everyone.

God & Grief

I was raised in church in a manner of speaking, so I understand that grief and God can be a very sensitive topic. Some of those raised in church learned to mask their feelings in terms of grief as an attempt to "stay on God's good side-" as if expressing negative feelings would hurt God's feelings and lead to a cold shoulder from Him. Or, some decide that since God has all power in His hands, He should have prevented the death of the loved one. Since He didn't, He is no longer loving, and it results in a cold shoulder from the grieving one.

Regardless, the unrealistic standard of being perfect with God that many raised in church have been taught to carry leaves a heavy burden when less-than-perfect situations arise. Instead of chalking up grieving to "God's will," I decided to dive into the true feelings one may experience in grief: blame-shifting, anger, and guilt. Because God can handle our emotions, the example of the narrator questioning God's justice and blaming God for the world's imbalance was included to ground readers in the truth that grief is ugly, raw, and dark. There's anger sometimes at God and other times at ourselves, but these moments are not the end of the conversation. Healing, growth, and happiness are possible.

Something New Birthed From A Griever’s Journey

Then, there's the darkest moment of the story where the narrator thinks of giving up. This moment of the story was from my own experience; however, the notion applied to adopting the perspective of "what's the point?" This would have led to this unending numbness and refusing to live in purpose or love, but just existing and going through the motions of life. Thankfully, in my experience, "what's the point?" turned into "life is short." In a manner of speaking, I adopted a new perspective of wanting to be purposeful in my living and understanding how important even the smallest moments are.

The Point Of It All

Overall, I hope you get the message that it is possible to get through and process your emotions-even your darkest thoughts- with God as opposed to suppressing them. That's how we grow from what we go through rather than being defined by it.

BTB: LOVING. TRYING. ASPIRING.:THE THOUGHTS OF A GRIEVING FRIEND

Written By Khenyia J. Williams